The Other Side Is The Problem
I consider myself a reasonable person who values fairness, truth, and the good of our country. I respect people’s right to have their own views, but lately, it feels like something has gone wrong. There are groups out there who seem so blinded by their own agendas that they’re willing to twist the truth, ignore the rules, and even undermine our country’s foundations just to get their way. I’m worried about the future if people like this gain too much influence. It feels like they’re willing to sacrifice the greater good just to push through ideas that most of us don’t agree with. How can we sit back and let them keep taking us down this path? I have to believe we’re better than this.
If you’ve been paying attention, I bet you agree with me…
But wait... what side am I on? Is it your side... or the other side?
Well, this is where I have to come clean. The truth is that this isn't a post about politics.
However, I bet you felt something reading that introduction. Maybe a surge of agreement, or perhaps a twinge of anger? It’s that instinctive reaction that I really want to explore more. Sorry for setting you up like that, but hopefully it will be useful as you read on.
The Power of “Us vs. Them”
A friend of mine recently shared a news article with me and worried that "the other side" was steering the country in a dangerous direction. He worried, as many of us do, about the possibility of violence and social unrest erupting out of our current political discourse.
And yet, those exact feelings of frustration could easily come from someone on either side of the political divide. This got me wondering: Could we all unknowingly be part of the problem?
It turns out, the answer lies in some deep-seated tendencies and instincts that are hardwired into us. Our capacity for “us versus them” thinking, shaped by thousands of years of evolution, plays a much bigger role than we might think.
Humans are tribal by nature. This was a survival advantage in our early days. Sticking with the group meant safety, resources, and a better chance of surviving threats. But those same instincts haven’t disappeared; they’ve simply adapted to our modern context.
In today’s world, our “tribes” might be political parties, cultural identities, or social groups. This “us versus them” mindset creates clear divisions. We instinctively think our group is the one standing up for truth and fairness, while the other group - well, they’re just wrong! They’re dangerous, unreasonable, maybe even a threat.
If you look back at the statement above, it’s easy to see how it encourages this sort of thinking. Words like “blinded by their own agendas” imply a “them” ... a group fundamentally different from “us.” It’s a subtle distinction that primes us to judge without questioning our assumptions.
When Both Sides Felt “Reasonable”
We all like to think we’re objective, that we see the world clearly. But our brains are wired with cognitive biases that shape our perceptions. Confirmation bias makes us seek out information that supports what we already believe. Projection leads us to see our own flaws in others, without recognizing them in ourselves.
Think about it: when you read that statement at the beginning, did you picture a specific group or person? Did you immediately fill in the blanks with the opposing political party or the social movement you find concerning?
If you are like most of us, then you almost certainly felt an instinctive emotional response to my introductory statement. However, this is somewhat surprising when you step back from those initial emotions and consider that I never actually expressed any specific partisan positions or political ideologies.
This means that whether your initial response was one of cautious agreement or rising anger is likely dependent on your preconceived ideas about whether I'm part of your tribe or not. If you see me as the type of person who you identify with, then you likely leaned towards thinking I was about to blast "the other side." Conversely, if you think I'm likely to be part of that "other side" then you were likely gearing up to leave some nasty comments about me. :-)
That’s confirmation bias at work helping to reinforce our existing beliefs by making us view “them” as the enemy.
This isn’t a new phenomenon. Throughout history, societies have faced similar periods of deep polarization, where each side was convinced it was the defender of the “truth.” During the McCarthy era, many Americans were terrified of communism. They believed they were standing up for American values by rooting out subversion, even if it meant accusing innocent people. They saw themselves as the "reasonable ones" and the "other side" as the threat.
Similarly, in 1930s Germany, the country’s instability led many to rally behind ideologies they believed would save them. Distrust in democratic institutions and a sense of existential threat made extreme solutions seem not only reasonable but necessary. Both sides of these divides believed they were defending their way of life from those who were determined to destroy it.
When people feel that their values and safety are at stake, the line between reasonable defense and extreme action starts to blur. It’s not hard to see the parallels with today’s political climate.
The Power of the “Reasonable Person” Bias
Most of us think we’re reasonable, basing our views on logic and facts. But here’s the catch: so does everyone else, even those we disagree with. This is what I call the 'reasonable person bias' or the belief that our perspective is rational while others are misguided.
Think back to the opening statement. Did it feel reasonable? Did you nod along? Your reaction likely depended on whether you saw me as part of your tribe. If you thought I was on your side, you probably felt agreement.
Now imagine that same statement coming from someone you fundamentally disagree with. Suddenly, it feels different, doesn’t it? This is the psychological trap that I tried to set with my opening statement. It is so natural for us to see ourselves as rational heroes and others as misguided villains. It is only when we realize that the exact same words could be spoken by someone we oppose that it forces us to question why we identified so strongly with them in the first place.
This belief in our own reasonableness is a major barrier to empathy. It convinces us that our views are inherently logical, allowing us to dismiss others as flawed or ignorant without truly engaging with their perspectives.
But What To Do About It?
How do we break out of this loop of bias and mistrust?
I’ve heard a lot of people, from both sides, respond to their fear about the current political divides with a strong sense of urgency to take action. Oftentimes, it’s easy to feel like the observations I’ve shared are “interesting, but not actionable”. We instinctively feel like these types of comments are inherently academic in nature and not something that can actually solve anything.
Unfortunately, I think that viewpoint is part of the problem. At its heart, my argument is that the current state of the political discourse in the US is a direct result of these cognitive biases being applied by both sides. That means regardless of what “side” you’re on, if you feel like the other side is the problem, then you might actually be contributing to the problem yourself. That’s the central point I wanted to convey…that the very act of thinking in “us vs them” terms is what has led us to this highly polarized environment. It’s not a red vs blue or Democrat vs Republican or conservative vs liberal problem. At its core, it’s an “us” problem.
So what’s the solution? I think it likely starts with questioning our assumptions and using practical tools to break free from our instinctive tendency towards tribal thinking.
Here are some techniques that can help:
First Principles Thinking: Break down complex ideas to their most fundamental truths, and question why you believe what you do. Imagine applying first principles thinking to your political beliefs. Instead of accepting your side’s stance as a given, ask: What are the core values at play here? Why do I believe this is the right way forward? Is my perspective influenced by loyalty to my group rather than the facts alone?
Self-Reflection: Regular self-reflection can help us catch ourselves when we feel that urgency to defend. Ask yourself: Am I reacting out of fear or bias rather than principle? Bias awareness isn’t about abandoning beliefs, but rather about ensuring that those beliefs are based on genuine values rather than tribal instincts.
Seek Out Contradictory Information: Actively look for information that challenges your views. This can be difficult, but deliberately exposing yourself to well-reasoned arguments from the other side can help reduce the power of confirmation bias and open up new perspectives.
Practice Empathy: Put yourself in the shoes of those you disagree with. Ask: Why might a reasonable person hold this view? Practicing empathy doesn’t mean agreeing, but it helps humanize those on the other side and weakens the tendency to see them as enemies. Challenge yourself to see how a reasonable person who shares your most fundamental values might come to a different conclusion about how to best apply those values.
Engage in Constructive Dialogue: Approach conversations with curiosity rather than a need to win. Ask questions to understand rather than to argue. This kind of engagement helps create a space where different perspectives can be heard without hostility, reducing the instinct to entrench oneself deeper into a particular stance.
We're all human. And unfortunately, that means that this kind of reflection and practice is difficult for us to apply in the real world. It requires us to admit that we might be wrong, that our perspective isn't flawless, and that those we oppose might have valid points. But it’s also the kind of effort that can break the cycle of division and move us closer to understanding each other.
New Perspectives
Now, let’s revisit the statement from the beginning:
"I consider myself a reasonable person who values fairness, truth, and the good of our country. I respect people’s right to have their own views, but lately, it feels like something has gone wrong. There are groups out there who seem so blinded by their own agendas that they’re willing to twist the truth, ignore the rules, and even undermine our country’s foundations just to get their way. I’m worried about the future if people like this gain too much influence. It feels like they’re willing to sacrifice the greater good just to push through ideas that most of us don’t agree with. How can we sit back and let them keep taking us down this path? I have to believe we’re better than this."
Does it still feel the same? Or do you now see how easily each side could claim it as their own? The fact that we all identify with it, yet point to different villains, highlights just how powerful our biases are.
We all like to think we’re the reasonable ones. But recognizing that the person across the divide feels the same way is a crucial step in breaking this cycle of division.
The next time you find yourself in a heated debate or reading a headline that makes your blood boil, pause. Ask yourself: Is this my bias talking? Is this my tribal instinct urging me to defend my group at any cost? Could the other side have a point I’m not seeing?
If we can each take small steps to recognize our shared humanity, to approach divisive conversations with curiosity rather than defensiveness, maybe we can start moving forward together, instead of tearing each other apart.
After all, we’re all in this together.
